Monday, October 11, 2010

10 WTF! moments in Friday the 13th history

Throughout the Friday the 13th franchise history there have certainly been many memorable moments. From over the top gruesome kills, to funny and ridiculous dialogue. However, there are some moments in these movies that are either so over the top, unbelievable, or just plan weird, you have to ask yourself "What the Fuck!?. What just happened here?" The scenes I will present to you here are those such instances that really stick out in the history of Friday the 13th franchise as what the fuck moments.

10. You can get to the Atlantic ocean through Crystal Lake now?

In part VIII Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason has been resurrected when an anchor rips open a power line in the Lake and shocks him back to life. Was that necessary? No. Did it make sense? No. Jason can come back to life whenever he wants and for whatever reason. He climbs aboard the boat that helped bring him back to life (death?) and proceeds to thank the passengers by killing them. That was nice of him. The ship somehow manages to "drift" back into the harbor right before the SS Lazarus departs for New York. Did he pilot the vessel back to the dock? That's a whole other question. Anyway, he proceeds to climb up the the SS Lazurus's anchor and on board he goes. The ship takes off to Manhattan New York. Now the question is when did Crystal Lake become attached to the Atlantic Ocean? The answer is it isn't and can't be. The term lake is defined  as "On Earth a body of water is considered a lake when it is inland, not part of the ocean, is larger and deeper than a pond. This is just a moment of why did they even have to go there? It's just a lazy plot hole in the movie conjured up by bad writing. What the hell man? What the hell?

Hi Ho Silver away!!!

09. Toxic waste turns Jason into a child?

Someone's had a little too much to drink.

Back to part VIII Jason Takes Manhattan, Rennie and Sean are on the run from Jason in the sewers of New York. Rennie takes some toxic waste that' apparently just lying around in the sewer and chucks it in Jason's face. He inexplicably takes off his mask and starts screaming in pain. I don't think I've seen him scream like that before, but ok, he never had toxic waste thrown in his face either. However odd that might seem, it pales in comparison to what happens next. As Rennie and Sean climb a ladder to try and escape to the streets above, Jason attacks, grasping at their feet. As explained by the now deceased sewer worker guy, "the sewers are flooded out ever night with toxic waste at midnight". Alrighty then. So the toxic waste overtakes Jason and he is somehow transformed into a boy. What the fuck? And not the mongoloid version of the boy we all saw and love from the first one, or the one that Rennie has an encounter with at Crystal Lake. Just a regular looking kid. Ok. And apparently toxic wastes melts away your body in just minutes. In your face science!

Behold the miracles of toxic waste exposure. A mongoloid no more!

08. Jason taking off his mask for shock value?

How you doing??

Now to Friday the 13th Part III my friends. Chris, the main female heroine, is being chased around a ratty old barn by Jason. She doesn't take to kindly to that so she cracks him in the head with a shovel and knocks him out. You go girl! She has the forethought to tie a noose around his head and hang him from the rafters. Of course he revives and briefly takes off his mask before taking off the noose. He then looks like he 'smiles' to her before putting the mask back on and continuing his rampage. What the fuck? It wasn't necessary to do this to take off the noose alone. He's almost fucking with her psychologically by showing off his ugly mug. He does this again in Part VIII right after he kicks a group of punks beatbox. They go to fuck with him and he just lifts up his mask as if to say "Bitch, look at how ugly I am! You want to mess with this?!" Of course they run off. It's just out of character for Jason to do this and makes you scratch your head. The whole reason he has a mask on is to prevent people from seeing his face. He's ashamed, but apparently he uses it to his advantage in those scenarios. Or it's just a cheap plot device for the audience to see his face. Yeah, that's it. Still, there are better and smarter ways to accomplish this.

What? You want some?

07. Jason can teleport now?

haha. Beat you to the top!

Again to Part VIII Jason Takes Manhattan. I'm seeing a pattern here. Rennie's uncle Charles is being chased down by Jason. Good, the guys a prick in this movie. It appears that Jason is behind him when he starts running. Charles runs into a building and up to the second floor. Apparently Jason is already there waiting for him and proceeds to throw him out the window and out to the street below before killing him. What? Now I know Jason is a bit of a speed walker and quite stealthy. No matter how slow he seems to walk, he always seems to catch up to his victims (usually by their bumbling). He almost never runs or moves quickly, and even if he did, he's still going to have to come from behind Charles and it appeared there was only one way into that building. So maybe he has a link with the enterprise? Some would argue he's supernatural at this point so he can do that. Since when did we go from bullets not being able to stop him to appearing wherever the hell he wants almost instantly? What's going on here?

06. Homoerotic Shaving?

There's just a certain look in his eyes.

Now this bizarre moment was mentioned several times in the "His Name was Jason" DVD documentary about the Friday the 13th franchise. I too always thought this scene was very weird, but I really couldn't picture the movie without it. So the possessed coroner Phil kidnaps officer Josh and takes him to the old Voorhees residence. Jason needs a new host to go into and officer Josh fits the bill I guess. Phil straps the now buck naked Josh down to the table in a bondage like way. Phil sharpens the razor blade on the leather strap with a lustful look in his eyes. Back and forth, back and forth. He then lathers Josh's face up with shaving cream and proceeds to shave his face. This is how bad porno movies start. Huh? Why the hell does Jason need a clean shave before he transfers bodies? I guess Jason doesn't like mustaches? He did have a beard in part II didn't he? Secondly, there is some sort of strange homoerotic undertone going on here with Phil and Josh. The way he decides to tie him up. The look in Phil's eyes. Something very odd is going on with this entire scene. But hey, it works I suppose.

This isn't at all odd for Jason. Is it?

05. Jason climbs trees and waits for unsuspecting victims?

Surprised?! too.

In part VI Jason Lives we have Mr. Voorhees apparently doing some people watching up in the trees surrounding Crystal Lake. We have Larry, Stan, and Katie out in Camp Blood on a business retreat shooting paintballs at each other. I guess that's what some business types did in the eighties to relieve stress? They might have been better off just doing some coke like everyone else did in that decade. Unfortunately they picked the wrong place to have some fun. Jason apparently catches wind of them and decides to hide up in a tree and pounce at the exact right moment. When they are all distracted talking to each other, Jason leaps from the tree and decapitates them all with one fell swoop. Nice. Wait....what? He leaped from a tree like a cat? That's a first. How the hell long was he waiting up there for them to pass by? The jump looks like about 7 or 8 feet straight down and maybe higher. It seems a little odd because Jason is usually a sneaker from behind than reigning death from above.Maybe he was up in the tree trying to get some bird eggs or some shit for lunch when he saw an open opportunity. Who knows. Either way it always glaringly stuck out to me.

04. Jason's now afraid of water?

I don't even know what's going on with this picture.

So in Freddy vs. Jason it is presented that one of Jason's fears was of water. Jason is injected with a sleeping agent and passes out. Freddy is pissed that Jason is off killing his targets and slips into his dreams. He does what he does best and takes Jason's supposed "fear" of water against him. Jason freaks out and succumbs to the water where Freddy tries to drown him. Ummm huh? Since when the hell has Jason ever been scared of water? Sure he "drowned" in water as a child because he wasn't strong swimmer, but he wasn't scared of it. He has been shown going into water purposefully so many times throughout the series it's pretty much established that he is not afraid of it whatsoever. Hell, he pretty much damm near loves the water, and gleefully kills in it whenever he gets a chance. He should be used to water as well considering the amount of time he spent locked up in the water. Overall this moment is in complete disagreement with established canon. What the fuck man? Oh well.

03. Jason somehow finds Alice's house in the city and travels there to kill her?

Hmmm.....I wonder what's for dinn........ahhhhh!

Friday the 13th part II takes place 5 years after the events of the first film with Jason looking to get some revenge in. Our heroine from the first film, Alice, is living alone in what appears to be a house or apartment and trying to put her life back in order. She goes to the fridge to get something to snack on where she finds Mrs. Voorhees severed head. It looks remarkably good for five years of decomposition. Just then someone grabs her from behind and puts an icepick in her temple. What the fuck? Now the scene doesn't show who the perpetrator is, but one can only assume if he is in possession of Mrs. Voorhees head that it would be Jason himself. Well maybe Jason loaned her head out to another killer? If we assume the logical choice that Jason is the killer here, then we can move on to the other what the fuck questions. How did he find Alice's house and how did he get there? Did he look her up and drive there? Walk? Plane? Nobody notices a giant hillbilly maniac roaming the suburbs with a potato sack over his head right? It's never explained where she lived so it's not out of the realm of possibility she lives in a nearby town to Crystal Lake. But in the first movie she says "....I might have to go back to California......" implying that's where she's from. Another strange scene we will probably never get an explanation on. What can you do?

02. Tommy beats the living hell out of Junior with his...... MMA skills?

Looking ugly is Junior's only real fighting skill.

Tommy is back and crazier than ever in Part V of the franchise. He has been in various institutions over the years and finally comes back to Crystal Lake via Pinehurst halfway house to try and recover. Good idea? I don't think so, but alright. So Tommy pretty much loses it whenever he's provoked and proceeds to go ape shit on the unfortunate morons who test him. He does this early in the movie to Eddie after being pushed. He performs a beautiful fireman's carry and slams Eddie through a table followed by some nice ground and pound. Now Tommy really loses it when the resident hillbilly Junior messes with him. In the best non Jason fight sequence, Tommy proceeds to unleash hell on him. Head shots, head kicks, body shots, joint manipulation, and a groin shot to top it all off. What the fuck? I don't know what he was doing in those institutions besides making masks and being disturbed, but it's pretty evident he was training some MMA in anticipation for fighting Jason again. Unfortunately he freezes up when confronted by Jason so he doesn't get to test out his new skills. This fight scene is just unique in the series in that it actually displays some real martial art techniques. Gotta love it.

01. Jimbo's (Crispin Glover) crazy dancing.

Now we come to part IV, The Final Friday. Crispin Glover plays Jimbo, the nerdy and awkward guy. He just wants to screw Tina, which he does eventually get to do before he meets his gruesome end. While the kids are partying in the living room and getting wasted, Jimbo asks Tina to dance with him. Little did the group know what they would witness could not be unseen. What occurs next is the most awkward, insane, and yet awesome dancing portrayed in a horror movie. Ever! Jimbo proceeds to basically spasm and jerk his body as if being controlled by some otherworldly entity. What the fuck? I'm not sure how much drugs Crispin might have been on in reality, but whatever the case, it's comedy gold and there is no need to stop.This scene will live on forever in the annals of Friday the 13th what the fuckness! However, according to Crisping Glover, they filmed the scene playing "Back in Black" by AC/DC, but they dubbed "Love is a Lie" by Lion over the final version. Either way, it would still be considered an insane dance routine by any music standards. Not me though. I wouldn't have it any other way Mr. Glover.

Some of these moments are scenes in which maybe the franchise could have done without or they possibly make the movie that much better. I'll leave that for you all to decide.

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